Introduction: At week 20 of pregnancy I was diagnosed with vulvodynia after a conversation with Oda (my doula) and sharing my fear of a natural birth without epidural. I realized that dilation examinations are something I would like to avoid as much as possible so we decided to take a private midwife who works without protocols and knows . to work with a vulvodynia diagnosis. I started acupuncture treatment with Orit Zilberman specialized in vulvuldina meanwhile preparing myself working with my Doula for a positive birth without unexpected situations or triggers rising.

Week 41 + 5 Thursday, 8 in the morning, I wake up from cute rushes, not getting too excited and start my morning routine. Looking outside the window and see a huge rainbow and thinks to myself what an amazing day to give birth !on

The surges got stronger pretty quickly and are already measured every 5/10 min and it’s starting to feel like it’s coming, but I think to myself that it must be the beginning, getting into the shower and trying to stay calm. After about an hour Saar calls Oda and tells her that the cramps are starting to get stronger and the time in between shorter and she says she will be coming soon and that in the meantime I should try to rest to keep my strength up.

It’s 14:00 Oda arrives to my house and with her the most helpful contractions (every minute contractions) and I feel that I am already in active labor. The birthing ball was my best friend in those moments every contraction I lay on it and Oda massages my back giving me supplements and strengthening me with words and touch. Meanwhile Saar is starting to fill the pool (which in retrospect took a whole lot of time!).

My midwife arrives right after Oda and by this stage the contractions were so strong that I vaguely remember her arrival than she checked baby pols with duplex and said I was making great progress

I enter the birthing pool, the surges are already really really powerful and I start realizing that it is progressing pretty fast and there is a chance that I am already approaching the crowning stage. I tell Oda that if it goes on like this I will not hold out and I start to get stressed. Oda tries to calm me down with more breaths, back presses and homeopathic pills and I am already roaring in pain and uncertainty between contractions and thinking to myself there is no way it is happening so fast and that I am already almost at the end, it has been 3 hours since the strong contractions started

At some point I felt there was some kind of slight respite and the midwife checked the baby’s pulse again and I saw by the position of the Doppler how low my baby is. I float in the pool and try to find a position that is comfortable for me. After a minute of respite I realize that the pushing contractions are starting and I start to get really excited and scared and a lot of emotions flood me.

I feel a strong need to push without anyone telling me what to do, just my body. And I tell Oda that I feel like I’m going to die of pain and I have no more strength and then she said to me the magic sentence: “You know what it means to feel like that ..?” I got it! it was almost over! I touch the area of the perineum and begin to feel expansion, and suddenly I also feel an air bubble – I shout “I feel the sack! “Does it make sense for the baby to be born in the amniotic

The midwife says I should just be mesmerized by how I feel and everything will happen naturally. I think to myself if I should ask her to break the membrane or let nature keep doing what it knows… I keep pushing and pushing and between contractions I feel I am torn from the inside but the need to push was inevitable, from insane intonation between the logic that says “stop pushing you are tearing” and the body that wants to get her out to the outside world. At the end of this disonounce i “decided” to surrender and from that point everything happened very quickly, after 3 pushes her head was out and after 2 more she was born. I held my baby in the water, gently pulled her out and laid her on me, she was so alert and curious, did not scream, she looked me in the eyes and I felt so strong and powerful

After about ten minutes the midwife and Oda helped me get out of the water with my baby attached to me and I lay down on the couch. We waited for the umbilical cord blood to pass to her and Saar cut the umbilical cord with great pride. The placenta came out right after that and I realized it was behind me I did it!

I was with my baby skin to skin for about an hour without any check ups either her or me. The midwife let us just be together. We became a family in an instant it was magical and exciting

The midwife examined the baby and me, I had some small scratches that did not require special care

I am so glad I decided to follow my belief in myself and the nature of creation despite all the voices around, the fears and anxieties. I did an amazing 9 month preparation with an attentive and sensitive doula who knew exactly what I needed and a hypnobirthing course that really helped connect Saar to the whole process. I pulled out triggers that might be holding me back and was filled with a sense of security. Without even one small (!) dilation check she was born in 10 hours

My realization that my body is so strong and solid causes me to re-evaluate myself and my abilities every day.

My take in, I share with you: listen to yourself, understand that there is no such thing as impossible and look for the ultimate support circle that can be there for you.